i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am available for nakedness
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
