It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
