Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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