theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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