Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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