We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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