I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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