I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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