wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
