We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
