I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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