i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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