While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
