i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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