Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize