The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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