My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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