i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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