I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
