i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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