My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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