I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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