I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
