He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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