You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize