I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
