if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
