So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize