I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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