Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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