if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
