Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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