i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
