You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.