you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
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He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny