his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.