that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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