good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
