I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
