i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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