She said her name was "party"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
