ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
