your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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