he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
