How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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