My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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