She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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