The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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