It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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