Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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