Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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