I'm so fucking centered right now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
