i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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