I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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