its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
