I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
