Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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