Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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