You work out of a Hotel?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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