Got a toothbrush?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
