tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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