She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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