Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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